it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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