The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize