Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
