i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
