Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this will be a night to untag.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
