Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
