the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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