he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
