you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
