I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
