He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize