I didn't shave. On purpose
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
