he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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