dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
