A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
