um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
