he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize