I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
