Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
