Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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