Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
