Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
