Don't you send me to vm
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
