so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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