he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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