i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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