guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
