I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My feet surprised me
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