Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
