Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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