Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize