I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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