He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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