i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
These tits shall not be calmed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
