that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize