Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
