I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
