UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
