Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize