The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
