White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
