cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
