Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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