Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
