mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
