Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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