No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
