What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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