I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
