i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
