Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
