thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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