How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
