last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Barsexuality is the new black.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
