I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
