Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize