I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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