11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
