just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
