college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they're like a gay fantastic four
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
