i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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