Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
