I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
