He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize