dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
