I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
