I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
