Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
