I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
