even my farts smell like vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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