I puked a lego.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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