dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize