I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
