Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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