I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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