I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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