i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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