If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
