I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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