smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
