We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
