guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
