Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
