I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
