we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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