I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize