I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The power of my boobs compel you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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