those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize