I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
